Scariest thing Ever.

I have the best family in the world, the best friends in the world, i am a well off lady.

My parents tought me good values. They tought me how to work for things, rather than have everything handed to me. I can only thank them for everything they have given me.

My friends are always there for me. Sometimes we bicker, but who doesn't. i don't know what i would do without them. they are my rocks, my people, my second family.

With all this said, my family and friends help me with everything, but theres one thing that they cant help me with. I wish they could, but they cant. That one thing is my future. They might be able to guide me, and add in their opinion, but all in all its my decision, Which is the scariest thing in my life.

Being a sophomore in college and not knowing your future is not only unknown and stupid, but its scary. It is that one thing holding over me all the time. the pressure is on. It is not that i dont want to know what my future is, its that i dont want to screw it up. I worry constantly about it. and it makes me freak out more and more when i see everyone around me figuring their lives out. Its a burden that wont go away, not that it should, and continues to stress me out.

But hey, i found this quote (picture quote--shown below) that says: I know theres a place for me out there. I like to think that its true. I know its true, its hard to stay positive about it, but i take deep breath in and out and think about this quote. Then i remember, everyone has an unknown plan set for them...

Remember, Live in the moment

Learning process...

Over the past yearish i have been learning a few different things.

Friends:

The ones who truly love you, and care for you, are the ones who are bluntly honest with you. They are the ones who wont let you forget the stupid things you do, and are also the ones who are there to bail you out of trouble(figure of speech, don't worry i wasn't in jail). The real friends that you have will stick by you, even when your going through a phase where nothing is going right in your life. Those great true friends are the ones who get you out of the house when you need to most, and are there to listen to you when you are ready to talk. There are even the ones who may annoy the crap out of you, and make you tell them whats wrong, but in the end it is for the best and their the ones who knew that.

Everyone has this person in their life, whether it being a spouse, sibling or the girl who swooped in when you needed her the most. God put these people in our lives for a reason. We may not see it all the time, but deep down we know there here for a reason. =]

Family:

You love em' you hate em'. But there your family. You cannot take them back to the store. You cannot push them away. They are your flesh and bone. You have the same blood.

I have learned that my family drives me crazy. But really they are the ones who have never left my side. They don't push me away, i tend to do that. I have learned that family is the most important thing. I may yell, fight, and leave the house for a hours at a time, but all in all they are always there when i get home, stop yelling and fighting.

Lesson i learned from family: Don't push yourself away from them. They will alway be there.

God put the people in your life for a reason, you may not know why, but he sure does. So just go with it, see where he takes you... I know better said than done. (i have been working on that)

In Gods Love

=]

One step forward, Two steps back.

Do you ever feel like every time you figure something important out you take a step forward, but then some thing, big or small, makes you take two steps back? I bet we all do some times.

I bring this up because i have finally figured out what i want to do, but had forgotten (kind of on purpose) all the diffrent things that go with it. which took me back two steps because i am now trying to figure out what kind of social worker i want to become, and then figure out everything i need to do with that (class wise).

Also as i sit her in mason for the summer, i hang out with my friends and listen to them talk about their first year experiences at school and how they might not come home for next summer, and all this stuff. i was thinking of im making progress with my life and everything, but i relize i am still living at home in my room, going to a community college. Which is not a bad thing i just feel like as everyone is taking steps forward im going backwards.

So i dont know, maybe this is what was planed for me, and maybe not. All i know is i dont really feel like this is where i am suppost to be right now.

One step forward, Two steps back.

Figureing it out..?

So sense the last time i wrote i was completely confused and had no idea what in the world i was doing with my life... well im still very confused but may have figured out what i want to become in life...

Social worker.

I have been debating this for a few weeks now and think i might enjoy it. im not sure but maybe. i thought that i could work in a christen organizational one... if that makes sense. maybe working with the older kids.

I still am not sure.... but at least i have a better idea now.

OH and i when i signed on for the first time sense i last updated today i had a comment from laura and she had suggested social work too... so maybe its meant to be... ill find out in time.

Love you all
:)

What is college really for?

Going to college normally means you have a plan for your life.. a general idea of what you want your life to look like in 4 yrs, or maybe even 2 yrs.

But then you get people like me. They have to go to college and take at least 12 credits to stay on the parents insurance. but you just have no idea where your going in life. you get frustrated with people who are always asking. you go to a family event and dread the famous question "what is your major" because you always have to answer "im not sure yet"

Well my parents have been asking me a lot latley, which is their job so i cant get too up set about it. Although today i had a very good conversation with my friend amanda. i have known her for a while and she just sat and talked to me about my life. she tryed to help me get an idea, bess her heart, of what i might want to do... it was a process.

I find this hard because i dont want to screw up on it. i want everything to turn out like god has planed.. and i want to hear what he has to say, but sometimes its hard to hear him over all the other noises in my head... and trust me, there is a lot going on up there.

I do know that i want to work with helping people in some way.. i think.

Go, go, go... STOP

When your world feel like its turning faster and fast around the house everyday, and then someone says or asks you one simple thing.. it suddenly comes to a halt. Do you ever feel that way?

I find it weird how things work out like that, but thats how life has been lately. im go go go until someone says or asks me just one little things that makes me stop and think about my life. sometimes it is a good thing and sometimes it is a bad thing. but it always makes you think. And even when it is something that might make you think of your past it always slows you down and to tell you the truth that is a good thing.

I recently had this happen to me. but it was more of something i saw... kinda.

A few days ago me and my friends jess went into our fort in her house. we havnt been in there sense sophomore year. we wrote down things that have happen to us in 2008 and 2009. the things that we thought of were good and bad. but it was good for me to look bad on my life. so for that time being my life went from go, go, go to stop.

it was fun. and now it makes me think that and realize that god knows when we have to reflect back on our lives and see that even when bad things happen the good is coming and he wont let you down.

So next time you think your world wont ever stop spinning think about what has happen in the past and maybe just maybe the spinning will stop, even if only for a few mins.

: )

Cinnamon challenge

So if you didnt know already i spend a TON of time at beaners. So much time at people say i live there. Which i kind of do. So sense i spent so much time there i have gotten to know all the employees quite well. So well that i would say were all friends. So Steven, who works there, challenged me to what he likes to call The Cinnamon Challenge. This consist of you eating a whole spoon full of cinnamon without water. Steven promised me that if i could do it he would either give 10 dollars OR a free drink. It took me a while to actually do it BUT i pu the whole thing in my mouth. i failed.

Now you see cinnamon doesn't dissolve with out a liquid, so when your saliva is used all up its just dried crap in your mouth that u cant swallow. Needless to say i spit it everywhere, i made a mess, and now i smell like cinnamon because it got ALL over me. i felt like i was going to die. Not really but it was SO gross.

So what i learned is 1. dont do anything steven says to do and 2. its not posible for meto eat a whole spoon full of cinnamon. OH and its going to take a while for me to want to eat cinnamon again.