Wyld Life/ Young Life

i dont know if i have said anything about being a wyld life leader (jr. leader that is) but i am. and my goal being a jr. leader was to get to know the girls well and to to make it so they know that they can trust me and i can be there for them. at times its really hard to be a good leader, like when i am in a crappy mood and have to go to DIG or somthing like that. i feel as if i am being a bad leader. or like when somthing gose wrong in my life and i dont handle it right i think well i a wyld life girl were here right now what would they think of me. so i find myself thinking of that alot. but i am enjoying it alot! and i find myself thinking more and more about going into young life. i think it would be a great career for me. when people talk about how they have passions for like basketball and soccer i think to myself i dont really have a passion for any of that. then i relize that i have a passion for young life. which is when i think about going into young life. i see my leaders right now who are going to graduate diciding whether or not to go into young life and i see how hard of a dicision it is for them. and i think well i hope its not that hard for me. i just hope that the girls realize that i am there for them if they need me. i know i looked up to the Jr. leaders when i was in wyld life. so i just hope they relize this.

Today i hung out with this sweet 7th grader named Amelia! she is an amazing smart girl! i met her this summer at camp when i was there leader. i just got atached to her! but i got the privlige to hang out at one of my favorite places in mason, best sellers! we sat and talk for a little while and then we went over to her house and she gave me a tour of her house and we sat on her room and just talked for like 2 hours! i got to get to know her SO much better. and i got to learn more about the way home school is set up. it was the 1st time i had ever hung out with one of the girls outside camp and DIG. it was a great time and i loved it! we got to talk about winter weekend coming up. and just a bunch of things! she is a WONDERFUL girl and i cant wait to get to know her even better! i plan on hanging out with other girls too. they are ALL amazing girls and love them SO much!

being a wyld life leader has shown so much of god. i can see him the best when i am at DIG. i just love being there and seeing all the kids learn about god and taking it all in! its the best feeling ever!

family....

i had a wonderfull christmas. this year was a sweet year for my family b/c my parents got us all somthing we really wanted which is super sweet! i just love the holidays. they put people in such good moods.

its also sorta a hard time for me. i am home with everyone for 2 weeks. this means my hole family is home for 2 weeks, and its hard. i am gone alot b/c i feel the need to get out of the house. which is bad but thats how i feel. and its alright at the beging but towards the end i get to the point where i need to just be with my friends and not family. well i am at that point right now. and in a way i dont wan t to be at that point but its just the fact that if i am not out of the house them i will just get really mad at them which makes everything worce!

ok well thats all for now. i hope everyone had a spectacular christmas!! i sure did!

Crazy days in mason mi.

i have been crazy busy latly! i really never noticed how busy the holidays really are untill this year. this has been the first year i am able to drive during the christmas time. which means i run and run and run some more arens for my parents. its just a crazy time for me. i also have been the one to go and pick up my parents gifts from me and my bros because my older bro think now that i can drive i should be the one to go get them. So i was on my way to the mall and i had it in my head that it was going to be insane there! the saterday before christmas you would think the mall would be jam packed! well it wasent jam packed but it wasent empty either. there were a little more than normal people there. So i got the present and ran out of there b/c i dident want it to get worse while i was still there...

Now heres a question for you to think about.... Whats the point of home work over brake? what are teachers thinking?? i just dont understand! i have 2 projects due when i get back, i have exams the 2nd week we are back and on top of ALL that i was stupied to ask for extra math papers over brake. (i am going to test out of a math class so i am doing worksheets for the class so i have a better chance of testing out over the summer) now i have to convince myself to do all the homework i have before the 2nd to last day of brake! wish me luck!

So yesterday was a hectic day but all in a good way! i went to church which i love doing! i love just going and listening to the serven! now most people who would read this and dident know me would think i was an abnormal teenager, but i just love going to stuff like that. got home and went to the landry mate to drop off my application. the granthoms own it and well i love them to death and they said they would give me a job! which makes me really happy! Now this is where the best part of my day begins.... i got ot see a friend who i love to death and lives in CO. i miss her SO much and dont get to see her like ever! so when she comes to mason she always makes sure she see me. but that right there, even if i wasent having a good day would make up for it! she bought her boyfriend who i got to meet! hes really nice and i like him a lot! but i got to spend some time with her and that is truly what i needed. now all i need is to have janae come to mason for a few day and my hole life would be PERFECT! i also got to babysit the best kids in the world! they are so sweet and good and i love them like they were my siblings! my day was prety sweet today and i loved it!

i think i know why i havent been acting myself as much latly.... i think its because as the holidays get closer and closer i miss janae more and more! i havent seen her in a while and i just miss her like crazy. i also think that why we have been talking to each other everyday for like a million hours and like 3 times a day! when i am with her i feel myself like normal... or like full and happy! i don know how to explain it. but she is basically my sister and i miss her tons!

christmas time changes people. i always love see how little kids get extra good so santa will give them presents. its also sad to see kids stop believing in santa. one of the kids i babysit is in 1st grade and i was asking him what he asked santa for christmas, and you have to know this kid is extremely smart, and he said " i dident write a letter this year because i dont really know if santa exists. i dont know because i have never seen him." when he said that my heart just dropped. its sad to see kids figuring it out sooner and sooner now. My family is huge on christmas because its jesuses bday and its also my little brothers bday. so we always try to celibrate a little bit of his bday but its hard, so we celebrate it normally in January. i always find myself get SO cought up in the presents that i forget the main reason of christmas. and i always feel bad for my lil bro for a little while untill everyone (who we never see on my bday) gives him money. but this year i am going to try to try and not forget the main reason of christmas.

well i hope everyone has a spectacular christams!! and remember to get to bed early so santa will bring you presents...

Kayotic = my life

latley my life has been prety kayotic. my hole family has been home and even thow there are only 5 of us it seems like the house is supper small and FULL of people. wills home from collage and my dads work shuts the shop down for christmas. So my house seems really full. i am so used to just being by myself when i get home. Also i have been studying like CRAZY for econ to get my grade up so i can pass with a decent grade. and latley that has ment staying up till 1:30-3:00 every night and getting up at 6:45. its been long days and not much sleep latley. which is why i am really happy to have 2 weeks off for brake. i plan on sleeping majority of my brake!

i talked to my econ teacher to see what i could do to get my grade up and he said that i could retake a test and see where that gets me. he was really nice about it and willing to help, which is amazing. but retaking this test and taking the weekly ones, i dident know it would be so stressfull. i also dident relize how hard it is to juggle all my other activites i am doing. YL and WL take up SO much time (but i love it to death) and i have to find time to practice piano and i am going to be doing water polo soon( which take up ALL my time). somtime i think (slash i know) i take more than i can chew, and i end up in a pickle! which is when i should turn to god but i wait untill i have dug myself such a huge hole i need to turn to god. i am trying to work on that but i am just finding that hole getting bigger and bigger...

stressed and mad

ok so i have this econ test tomorrow and i have been going insane about it all week long. i need to do good on this test to raise my grade so i have been sorta stressing and in a crappy mood latley. So right now i want to apoligize if i snapped at you or made you think i was mad at you, because i wasent i am just stressed about this test... i just wish i dident have to do supper good on this test to raise my grade.

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

sence i have been studying for this test i have been staying up later and have been able to whatch "scrubs" and
the more and more i listen to the theme songi think about the bolded part, and i think about how, as much as
want to do everything on your own you need help and just cant do it on your own. i know that i need to start
turning to god for more thing but i just dont. its one of my weeknesses, and i need to start going to him. i know
that if i were to of gone to him at the being of the week then i wouldent be as stressed out as i am right
now.

sometimes when i have a day like i did today i just want to brake down! i dont know what else to do but brake
down or i get crabby and start snapping at everyone. i feel bad but i dont know what else to say but sorry. i just
hope that i can get my life back on track over brake!

whatever i am, just stressed out and dont know what else to do but pray to god and ask him for help...

I think god knew i needed somthing good in my life because i got to see katie tonight and i loved it!! 

i miss her alot!! thanks!

Filling your life with everything, but god...

lately i have been finding myself stressed out. manly about my grade in Econ. but about other things too. i have been feeling myself putting a ton of things first when i know i shouldent be putting them in that order. or i will go and do all this stuff for like wyld life and young life, but not leave time for school work and just praying or praticing piano or just reading my bible by myself. even thow when i am in young life i am learnig about god i still am not getting the fullness out of it. Also i always feel obligated to go to Young Life after D.I.G. even thow thats time i should be studying so i can go to bed soon that night or somthing like that. i just find myself stressing about small things and procrastinate more and more each day.

when i think about things like this i start to think if only i would take time out of my day just to sit and ask god questions. or before i go to bed just lay and pray. but i dont and then i get frustarted and fed up with myself. its just one of thows things where if i dont do it i feel lost and start to get more and more bussy with other things and forget the true reason why i am here.

i talk to one of my YL leaders tonight about my econ grade and what she thinks i shoudl do and i told her one of the reasons why i am not doing as well is because i am not getting as much studying done as i want. and she said that i need to start to drop some things. but the thing is i just cant part with droping something for a week. even thow i know i probaly should i just dont and it makes it harder and harder. It also seems like everyweek i do more and more, which is less time i alow myself to study. or i find myself staying up later and later just to study. . .

Wonderful Weekend!!

i love weekends like the one i just had. it was crazy and filled with fun and amazing people. saterday my high school had there formal winter dance. i just love getting all dressed up and having fun. i am not one of the kind of people who "dirty dance" i like to dance "old school". we do the robot and all the other oldy ones. it was great! i had so much fun. after words we all went to jessie's house after the dance and hung out and stayed the night there. the next day i was basicly with jessie all day. actualy i wasent basicly... i was. We hung out at my house for a while, went to her house and just had a bunch of fun. i jus love hanging out with jessie because i can be myself with her and i know that i can talk to her about anything. i wasent home all weekend prety much which is some what bad, but i feel like its a good thing not to be home somtimes. i know my parents start to miss me but somtimes i just cant help but be gone. And the more i am home the crankyer i get. and i just feel bad that i am not home somtimes but i just need to get out somtimes. people say its just a stage, and i know it probaly is but i feel like i need to get out of this stage of life soon but its a hard stage. i guess its just part of gods plan for me. who knows what he has instore for me. whenever i think of how much i want to know gods plan for me i think of when i am at young life camp i want to know what we are doing next and i go to ask a leader and they just say "i dont know"or "they dont tell us" or "you'll see", i feel like that is what god is saying to me and he's saying just be pacent you will find out eventualy how everything works out in the long run. . .

A wise girl gave me this bible verce (the wise girl was my young life leader dilyn)

Psalms 13:5
But i trust in your unfailing love;my heart rejoices in your salvation

when ever i am feeling like i cantdo any more and i need ancwers i turn to this verce and i am very thankful she gave me this verce!

Econ... why do we need it?

When you are a Junior in High school you have a lot of things to worry about. well the thing i am worried about the most is my Econ class. the teacher is such a bad teacher. all he dose is give notes off a power point, which i know when i get into collage that really all i will be doing. but as of right now i am not in collage, i am in high school and i am on the verge of fail this marking period! which would not be a good idea at all! But i got my grades today and i have all A's and B's in every class EXCPET econ!! it just makes me so mad that i cant get econ down when i am doing so well in all my other classes! it just frustrates me alot when i get my test back. i sit in that class, take notes, listen to what he is saying, and wonder why the heck do i need to know all this right now. why is it a required class to take? i just done understand it. and i think it is usless to me as of right now. . .

if you have any sugestions as to how i can stop myself from failing this class my ears are open!

life has a meaning....?

I dont know if you have ever herd of the saying "life has a meanig" but i was looking at icons one day and found and icon that said it and i started to think.... dose life really have a meaning? I mean i think of it as yeah in a way life has a meaning. For me i understand what it means but what about all the kids in the world who dont have familys, food, shelter? what would they think of they saw that icon? If i was in there situation i know i wouldent think life had a meaning. Even when i am having a really bad day or something goes wrong i think why is this happending and dont understand the meaning oflife at that point of time. but then i think about God and how he has a spacific plan everyone in the world. I know its hard for people to understand that sometimes, i mean its even hard for me to wrap my finger around when i am having a really crappy day, but when i get calmed down i do understand. but it is a hard thing to understand.

when i think that saying i think of Amy Carmichael. She was a irish girl who had brown eyes and really wanted blue irish eyes. so everynight she would pray for blue eyes and god would not ancwer her prayer. she grew up with brown eyes and dident knwo why god gave her brown eyes. well when she got older she began rescuing children from the hindu temple. sence she wasent indian she had to make herself look more like indians. So she started to dress in sari and stain her skin. One day she looked in a mirror and saw that she really looked Indian and wouldent if been able to do it without the brown eyes.

that story to me is amazing and shows me how god dose have aplan for everyone and eventualy everything in your life will work out!

thanks for reading!